I hear people are also talking very strongly about the use of puffer fish, embalming fluid, molten lead, and polonium. https://t.co/9MDyr99dXH

— Stephen Blackmoore (@sblackmoore) August 17, 2020

Do we have enough oleander extract to treat all the Republican voters before election day? Asking for a friend.

Embalming fluid? Nah, might need that afterward.

Puffer fish? That’s out too. Limited supply and environmentalists would squawk if we try to get more.

Polonium might be a good possibility, especially since Putin has already endorsed it. Unfortunately, that’s also in short supply and Vlad would not sell us any of his stock.