re: #19 Wayne A. Schneider

Haven’t they figured out yet that if you don’t teach kids the correct names for their reproductive parts, they’ll start using the ones you wish they wouldn’t use?

Randal Graves: Why haven’t you fucked Myra yet?

Elias: Well, we can’t because of Pillow Pants.

Randal Graves: What the fuck’s Pillow Pants?

Elias: Pillow Pants is a little troll who lives in her pussy.

[Randal stares]

Elias: Pillow Pants is her pussy troll?

[scoffs]

Elias: Duh. You know how every girl’s parents put a pussy troll in them when the girls are young, to keep them from having premarital sex?

Randal Graves: …Sure.

Elias: Well Myra’s is named Pillow Pants. And so even though she totally wants to have sex with me, Myra says if I put my… thing in her, Pillow Pants will bite it off. So, I gotta wait until Pillow Pants gets peed out of her body on her 21st birthday before we can have sex.

Randal Graves: [floored] And Myra told you this?

Elias: Boyfriends and girlfriends talk to each other about sex stuff

Randal. You’d know this if you ever had a girlfriend.

Randal Graves: Have you and Myra even kissed yet?

Elias: We would have already if it wasn’t for Listerfiend.

Randal Graves: [beat] Listerfiend is her mouth troll, isn’t it?