Ana Marie Cox watched the debate so you didn’t have to, and she gave out grades:

Ben Carson

Style: Impressively somnambulant. His first answer began, “You’re not going to hear a lot of polished speech from me,” and that was as coherent as he got. Brought the world the vision of “Putin, a one-horse country; oil,” a real string of words said on a real stage at a real debate by a real candidate.

Substance: Invoked “the 2 a.m. phone call,” because that’s a worse crisis than the 3 a.m. phone call — and because he will actually still be in a deep sleep when he answers. Hates political correctness, immigration, immigrants, not in that order. Something about inviting terrorists to dinner parties — like Obama, I guess. Also noted that he’s against government regulations, especially regarding sentence coherence spinach clown shoe propane gambling.

Grade: A sandwich made of dice.

Note: Dr. Real Ben Carson is apparently still in the race.