Here’s how I hope the first debate goes.

Kasich - I want him to be damn near invisible, and have almost nothing to contribute that is memorable.
Carson - A couple of good quotes - memorable zingers at Rubio or Paul
Rubio - At least one long cotton-mouthed answer that includes visible white spittle building on his lower lip.
Jeb! - He fumbled a memorized anecdote about a tshirt for sale on his page (I looked - it doesn’t exist. Fucker lied…about a t-shirt.) I hope he does the same trying to return fire on another candidate on stage if he feels slighted.
Paul - I just want him to be short and ignored. The first part he’s got down. Lindsey Graham’s not on stage so there’s nobody there to make him look like he’s similar to them.
Cruz - Loads of Jesus talk, some conspiracies about Iran and Obama, and a demonstration that he’s not as intelligent as anyone thinks he is.
Christie - May he be blessed with a combination of uncontrollable flatulence and a leaky bowel, and may his neighbors wrinkle their noses at the odor.
Huckabee - Oh, fuck that asshole and his pedophile friends.
Walker - Stage fright. And pick a fight with Jeb!
Trump - Sharp, concise responses to what he’d do. Bombastic rebuttals to Jeb! Ted, etc. that make for repeat plays on all the networks. I want him in the thirties by next week.