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Onion: Obamas Out of Touch with Americans

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Killgore Trout10/03/2009 4:42:25 pm PDT

Scientists Say Oldest Human Ancestor Had Sex With Intern

Just days after discovering a skeleton that belonged to the oldest human ancestor, paleoanthropologists say they now believe that this early human had the first recorded affair with an intern.

“This is an amazing discovery,” said Professor Davis Logsdon of the University of Minnesota. “It suggests that having sex with interns goes back a lot further than any of us thought.”