“I will join with her in asking the press to respect our shared desire for privacy as we quietly move forward. We respectively ask for your prayers.”

There’s another American fetish I hate. Moving on. Moving forward. Getting on with your life.

Every self-righteous scumbag who gets caught and can’t deny it immediately wants to move forward.

No taking the time to sit down and think about what you did. And never, ever question yourself. You are a Special Person, and God loves you so much he doesn’t want you to think about the past and its present consequences.

Just move ahead, nothing to see back there, and don’t forget to ask for prayers from the people who are praying that you’ll just go away and stop embarrassing them.

I’m sure The Family is behind you all the way, Marky-Mark, and that must be a vast consolation.