I was just sweeping the kitchen floor and noticed a BIG HAIRY FRIGGIN SPIDER sitting along the floor railing for the sliding back door. I thought it may be dead, as it didn’t scurry when I came around, and I didn’t want to hit it with the stick end of the broom, because it was so fat it would splatter.
I nudged it with the broom and it started running toward me, although not as fast as I would have expected, considering it’s size. It freaked me out so I hit it with the broom, causing a mess of course. I was surprised that the spider didn’t run sooner and that it was so slow when it finally did. I then surmised that it may have been pregnant or something. So I looked back to where it had been sitting, and there were AT LEAST 100 BABY FRIGGIN SPIDERS SCATTERING ALL OVER THE FLOOR!!! I did the spastic dance while my wife laughed at me.