I can’t sleep. Worried about my boy, my precious Little (Cavalier King Charles Spaniel rescue) and the decision that is clear and reasonable but has me feeling… I dunno, like a heel? a terrible mom? a horrible person?

Little is 13-15 years old - don’t know since he’s a rescue but he’s been with me for 9-1/2 years now. I love him dearly. A year ago he presented with congestive heart disease which takes out 75% of Cavalier King Charles Spaniels after the age of 10. He’s been doing well with the medications but his days are numbered, the disease progresses and there is nothing to be done about it. He has months left, maybe weeks. Who knows?

So he has these eye problems now. Bad cataract in one eye, but now he’s developed corneal ulcers in both eyes and maybe glaucoma. Took him to the vet today and the vet says I need to take him to an ophthalmologist so we can learn exactly what’s going on. He gave me eye drops, which gave Little total relief a couple of months ago when the ulcer issue first came up in the one eye and more drops to relieve pressure in case the problem is glaucoma since I can’t get him to the specialist until next week. I’ll know in a day or two if that is helping because I’ll be able to see it.

But I’m thinking why the hell are we worried about him going blind? His heart will give out long before that happens. Taking him to a specialist will cost hundreds of dollars and for what? Surgery is out of the question since he wouldn’t even survive it. His diminished eyesight isn’t causing him any distress that I can detect - he only has a little trouble at night and I’m there to guide him past obstacles. (A Seeing Eye Human)

My reason tells me that there is no point or purpose to the expense of a doggie eye specialist for a terminally ill spaniel. My emotion and love for the boy tells me I’m a horrible person for even thinking about the cost. (If he was in otherwise good health, the cost wouldn’t be a thought.) His comfort and happiness is everything for the time he has left - I won’t have my boy in pain. The eye drops from my regular vet takes care of that.

I feel like a horrible doggie mom right now.