Chris Christie Beaches Himself (Goes to Wonkette)

(with video)

Asked whether he’d “gotten any sun,” Christie at first denied it. Then, realizing there were pee tapes pix, his spokesman reverted to the time-honored, “he did not get any sun because he was wearing a baseball cap.” That’s up there with “no man born of woman” for loopholes, which is a sucky loophole because “born of woman” never said anything about “born of woman’s VAGINA,” and women’s stomachs are still part of women, GAH STUPID SHAKESPEARE, GET BENT.

Perhaps realizing that was fucking dumb, Christie then decided to own it and go full Chris Christie. Want to be able to go to a state beach for the Fourth of July? “Run for governor and you can have a residence,” said some dick who is governor of New Jersey for not very much longer.