re: #285 HappyWarrior

you mean you’re not going to take a thousands of years old book literally? Heathen!

For certain definitions of “literally” where:

- A seven-headed beast rising out the sea can be a black guy in the Oval Office.
- Where prophecies regarding Israel now hinge upon the actions of its new friend Poochy the USA.
- All that stuff Jesus said about treating poor people well and abandonning attachment to worldly things is about after Jesus comes back. Right now, say the magic words.
- Jesus wasn’t a Jew talking to Jews.
- “You shall not know the hour or the day” has an asterisk after it, and a footnote reads “except those Protestant evangelical chaps…buy all of their assorted End Times materials.”

[With a nod to Fred Clark, aka Slacktivist, who rights about this stuff from the inside.]