Back to the top for a moment:

Hi, everyone, — Barack here.

You know, isn’t it great how awesome Americans are taking charge of their own security this way? Well, yes, I know, it was a Dutchman who pounced on the Glorious Emasculator — I mean, the isolated extremist who didn’t care what it cost him to make things so unpleasant for all the rest of the folk who just wanted to get to Detroit. But the Dutchman was coming here, too, and he took action just when it was needed! All the rest of the security measures didn’t mesh too well, and believe me, heads are rolling about that. But our line of last resort held, just as it was meant to, and all Americans can be proud of what took place on an American airliner landing in America! This is a great movement for our country, and it makes me so proud to be your President!

You know, lots of crazy stuff gets taught to immigrants today - really bad stuff that extremists teach them from places overseas, like Nigeria or Yemen. You know, stuff that doesn’t really make any sense which is why we Americans don’t come up with it!

And there’s a reason for this: the big insurers and pharmaceuticals.

Now, I know to a lot of you in this audience, that is a dirty word, and I agree! After all, have you ever seen an insurer or pharmaceuticalist in a decent pair of boxer shorts? You sure as shootin’ haven’t! The fact is that they don’t want to underwrite any capitalist Jockeys — I mean lackeys, and they’re trying to do the same to our immigrants: make them get a prescription if they can’t sew their own.

You know, it’s important to keep our newest citizens in boxers because it’s part of my great plan for a hang-loose America, of which I am a long-time supporter (joke!), and I know you are as well — because you saw to it that I won the election.

That’s why I support changing the law books nationwide to reflect this stand against the big insurers and drug companies, which really is the Republicans’ kind of fascism. And I should know! Remember, I can see Hyde Park from my front porch! (Ha, ha — anyone remember Henry Hyde these days? Just a joke … )

You know, that’s why I’m also for abortion on demand — right up to the moment of birth, and even for a little while afterward! (There’s nothing like getting a good look before having to make a decision, is there?) Because, we all know where real life begins, don’t we? We don’t need to spend billions of dollars to find out the answers to questions we’ve had answered in our book for thousands of years! The Bible leaves it up to women to say when life begins, and that’s just the way it should be!

So let the teabaggers and the Blue Dogs object! We’re going to get my healthcare bill passed — regardless of who’s against it! The fact is that instead of trying to see it all happen on C-Span, the people should just let their elected leaders do God’s work in the back room, and then present them with a finished product that’s tailor-made for America.

‘Cause that’s the way we do things in a bipartisan government! Maybe then those Hyde-quoting diehards might get a clue!

Well, I’m going to keep pushing my agenda, because I won! And I’m going to keep sticking up for people who are trying to take back government from the nay-sayers and the Dittoheads!

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And the point is? To show that anyone can engage in ‘satire’?