This is going on my xmas list:

Interactive Periodic Table of Swearing Extends Your Rude Vocabulary
wired.com

The machine features more than 100 brightly colored fruit machine buttons which, when pressed, unleash creatively foul language — perfect for the lazy or sore-voiced hater. Most of the swears are not for delicate ears, but a few of the tamer ones include: bollocks to that (Btt); silly bastard (Sb) and stupid old wanker (Sow). You can check out the video below to see some of the stronger ones.