In other Guadalupe County News:

Guanxi88 continues to lay the foundation for his eventual dominance of the bootleg tobacco and moonshine industries. Having rolled nearly 20 pounds of tobacco into carrottes for storage and maturation without succumbing to the nicotine contact-high, he is now finishing the final assembly of his fermentorium. Just fermented stuff for now, but comes the apocalypse, he’s got the copper worm and the know-how to start making white lightning.

(BTW - domestic, local sorghum molasses ferments wonderfully, making a very tasty little beverage all by itself, sorta like mead gone really dark.)