Merry Candy Day.

Happy Halloween To All The Ex-Witches And Satanists Who Found Jesus/’The 700 Club’ (Wonkette)

One of the things I think we all look forward to every Halloween, apart from the traditional warnings about how evil people are spending thousands of dollars on drugs to get your kids high, is the sheer number of “Ex-Witch Finds Jesus” stories Christian outlets pump out — especially the ones where the former witch or Satanic high priest warns parents not to let their good Christian children go trick-or-treating.

One of the most outspoken “ex-witches” these days is Jenny Weaver, who says she became a full-on witch after watching The Craft in high school. But unlike literally every other teen girl who got into Wicca after watching The Craft (I think we can all fairly admit that was a thing), she actually gained magic powers … over drawers.

. “Things were happening. I was moving things,” says Jenny. “I would go up to a drawer to open a drawer and before my hand would even touch it, the drawer would go ‘shhew’ and open.”

. “Lights would bust and break when we would start talking about the demonic realm, glass fall all over us,” says Jenny.

These don’t seem like very good powers. Also it is unclear what she was doing talking about the demonic realm, given that that’s not actually a thing in Wicca. Was she literally trying to contact the fictional god Manon from the movie?

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