An excerpt from George Carlin’s book “When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops?”

And, my friend, I hope you’re aware that when we talk about women looking good, we’re also talking about clothing. Clothing is what generates all this shopping shit that occupies so much of a woman’s time. Because the truth is, women have to buy, own and wear and unbelievably bewildering number of garments.

Slips, half-slips, camisoles, thongs, panties, pantyhose, stockings, half hose, knee-highs, anklets, socks, leg warmers, garter belts, girdles, corsets, training bras, padded bras, sports bras, nursing bras, push-up bras, strapless, bras, Wonderbras, bustiers, teddies, petticoats, peignoirs, negligees,, nightgowns, shorties, muumuus, stockings…

…blouses, sweaters, jerseys, pullovers, halter tops, miniskirts, maxiskirts, slacks, suits, sunsuits, business suits, pants suits, culottes, capris, shorts, short shorts, hot pants, formal gowns, bridal gowns, evening gowns, street dresses, sundresses, cocktail dresses, housedresses, housecoats, winter coats, fall coats, spring coats, hats and scarves…

…brooches, pins, necklaces, pendants, medallions, lockets, bracelets, earrings, wedding rings, engagement rings, friendship rings, thumb rings, toe rings and (optional, of course) nipple, nose and labia rings.

And let’s not even begin to talk about shoes. Oh, God! Sorry girls! I take it back. But at least let’s keep it brief: tennis shoes, sandals, open-toes, slingbacks, mules, wedges, flats, half-heels and…high heels. High heels that damage a woman’s feet, ankles and knees, but make her ass and legs look great…