President Wishful Thinking: “I am deeply concerned with the loss of jobs in our inner-city neighborhoods because of the war on drugs. Hard-working drug dealers have been put out of business for no good reason, and we must ensure that they can get back on their feet. Therefore, I am rescinding all anti-drug laws and measures, effective immediately. We must wait until the demand for drugs magically dries up before we take action that could harm the livelihoods of dishonest folk.”