The Onion must have hired a new writer who recalls how their sarc used to be…this story on the new Nerf Biological Weapons toys is pretty good.

“Get ready to feel your chest slowly fill with excitement!” said Nerf spokesperson Patricia Mora, holding up a small plastic test tube filled with 10 milligrams of her company’s newest toy. “Just grab a friend, unleash a few neon microorganisms, and prepare for a squishy attack on your entire central nervous system.”
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… One vial of Nerf biotoxin, priced at $14.99, can entertain up to 20 children or one densely populated metropolitan area for up to six unforgettable days.

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“It was so cool,” 11-year-old test user Alex Richanbach said. “First I started shaking a little, and then I got really, really hot. After that, everything went dark and dizzy, and when I woke up in the backyard, I puked up a bunch of foam balls.”