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Onion: Popular Children's Book Author Reveals the 'Spooky Truth' About Creepy Conspiracy Theories

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A Mom Anon5/31/2013 7:13:03 am PDT

And so May continues to suck….

Husband supposed to start new job Monday. Yesterday we find out he “failed” a backround check. The sucky background check company has got him confused with a guy with the same last name, similar first name, same birth YEAR(not date, as far as we can tell), different middle name 150 miles away. The criminal is also 3 inches shorter, has different tattoos and has never lived in this area, nor has my husband ever lived where the criminal is. His employment is now delayed for up to 30 days pending the outcome of an appeals process with THE COMPANY WHO MESSED UP THE BACKGROUND CHECK.

It literally took me 30 seconds to find the criminal guy on the internet, along with his mug shot and it’s obvious it’s not my husband. WTF?

I really can’t take much more of this crap. So now we’ll be without health insurance for longer, income for longer, and I’m watching our savings dwindle away because someone else was too freaking lazy to do a couple extra minutes of work to make sure they didn’t fuck up someone’s life with a bad background check.

Fuck.