re: #47 retired cynic

I have been trying to get a better job, to no avail. And the people at work treat my stress dismissively, or worse, even after emailing them that I am Autistic, stressed out, and need to talk to someone in regards to accommodations (Sent that email a month ago).

A huge number of people have gotten engaged around me, and I get to go home every night to an empty apartment, with no hope on the horizon of anything getting better.

I know I am not ready, at some level, but at the some time, the loneliness is burning me up.

I don’t the energy left to keep trying, and I can’t do hope anymore, because each time I hope things are getting better, or they look like they are getting better, they get crushed back down. So I have given that up.

Some people have said this is a test. If that is the case, I am about to fail, because I can’t keep doing this.