Rapture Saturday

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Rapture Saturday

By lawhawk

Humor • May 2011 • Views: 1,139

By now, I assume that you haven’t floated off, so here’s some Saturday music to enjoy, courtesy of Blondie.

Recent Pages by lawhawk:
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7 comments

theheat Sat, May 21, 2011 5:50:19am

I’m out, I’m proud, and I’m not raptured. I’d go as far as to say I cannot be raptured. Nossir, can’t be done.

What, me worry? Sat, May 21, 2011 6:15:35am

re: #1 theheat

Well, you won’t know fer sure until 6p EST, I think. Or maybe it’s PST. Anyway, if not, it’ll be nice to have you around.

And I’m going to slap Lawhawk for stealing my rapture song :(

watching you tiny alien kittens are Sat, May 21, 2011 6:43:43am

Camping’s prediction about the Rapture said that the earthquakes would start at 6:00pm local time in Israel and then follow the time zones around the entire world (6:00pm everywhere). I know it doesn’t make any effing sense, just telling you what the man said…

What, me worry? Sat, May 21, 2011 6:51:14am

re: #3 ausador

Camping’s prediction about the Rapture said that the earthquakes would start at 6:00pm local time in Israel and then follow the time zones around the entire world (6:00pm everywhere). I know it doesn’t make any effing sense, just telling you what the man said…

You mean the 6:00p time frame has been misquoted? On the internet? Shocking, I tell’s ya!

watching you tiny alien kittens are Sat, May 21, 2011 7:07:08am

re: #4 marjoriemoon

You mean the 6:00p time frame has been misquoted? On the internet? Shocking, I tell’s ya!

Not misquoted exactly since it should still happen at six pm wherever you are as the earthquakes slowly roll their way around the planet from Israel and then get back to just East of Israel 24 hours later (which obviously won’t be on the 21st anymore after crossing the dateline). Like I said, it makes no effing sense at all geographically, or biblically either for that matter… :(

Our Precious Bodily Fluids Sat, May 21, 2011 7:35:36am

Forget about Camping and his false cult. This is The Real Truth.

Reverend Ivan Stang has given many excuses for the failure of the Rupture to happen, such as claiming that “Bob” betrayed all SubGenii, that the scriptures were accidentally read upside down (hence the real year of the Rupture will be 8661), or that due to calendrical error or sabotage it is not yet really 1998.[21] Some would argue that it did happen, albeit in a metaphysical and/or allegorical manner requiring greater shift of paradigm to truly understand. Others have suggested that the X-ists did visit Earth as predicted, but that the planet we know as Earth was either secretly switched with Mars sometime during or shortly after World War II, or that the X-ists left with the persuasion that mankind will do the job just as well, if not better.[21]

It scarcely needs mentioning that X-day is a parody of the popular christian notion of the rapture. The various excuses for the apparent failure of the sex-goddesses to “rupture” the SubGenius faithful parody such events as the Millerite Great Disappointment, and various other occasions when christian sects have confidently attached a date to the public return of Jesus and the consequent destruction of earth.

Reverend Stang has argued that X-Day is a religious holiday for the Church, and members of the Church should take the day of July 5 as vacation or holiday: “…if you can’t get off the planet, at least get off from work.”

theheat Sat, May 21, 2011 9:04:30am

re: #2 marjoriemoon

I’m on PDT. Some times of the year I’d buy an extra hour to repent. I might be caught flat footed, since we’re on regular Pacific Time this time of year. Darn.

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