So About That Nunsploitation Movie
“Nude Nuns with Big Guns” and its 90-minutes of blood-soaked blasphemy couldn’t have picked a better time to thunder onto Netflix. With Rick Santorum condemning nonbelievers like Torquemada in a sweater vest, the sight of a lesbian nun blowing away dope-pushing priests becomes downright comforting and sadly believable. The Catholic hierarchy seems willing to kick women to the curb over universal healthcare, so it’s not entirely inconceivable that it would go the extra mile and make nuns process piles of cocaine all day in the buff (except for their habits of course) like something out of a cross between “New Jack City” and “The Flying Nun.” It’s not like the church hasn’t covered up worse things recently.
This isn’t the first time that “Nude Nuns with Big Guns” has been endowed with a significance beyond the scope of its $85,000 budget. Last year, Camelot Films filed a mass lawsuit against the 5,865 Internet users who’d already managed to torrent the movie even though it hadn’t been released yet. The suit quickly came to resemble the kind of shakedown cooked up by the corrupt cardinals in “NNWBG” as the downloaders were offered the opportunity to settle out of court for $2,000-$5,000 or risk mounting legal costs and being exposed in open court as the kind of perv who freeloads naked nun flicks. After the Electronic Frontier Foundation got involved on behalf of the multiple defendants, Camelot dismissed the case in May 2011 rather than face escalating court costs of its own.