The Myth of the ACCIDENTAL RAPIST
This is how rapists actually act. The guy who raped me tried this maneuver (which didn’t work out, in part because I hadn’t had much to drink.) The guy who raped Stephanie Zvan used this strategy. There are some victims who believe it was more confused than that, but the research suggests their rapists weren’t confused at all. In those cases you read about where there are women who may be rounding up ‘bad sex’ to ‘possible rape’ because of alcohol, you’ll find that they aren’t calling the cops. Rape is a deliberate, malicious act disguised as an ‘accident’, because that’s the disguise that works to let the rapist off the hook. So if you’re not plying women with alcohol in hopes they’ll get so drunk that you can force them to have sex they don’t want, don’t worry about it. I mean, don’t fuck someone that you worry is too drunk to consent, but then again, who does that anyway? Most non-sadistic (as in real sadism, not the consensual BDSM kind, so hold your horses people) people’s first reaction when a partner seems not fully on board with a sex act is to be concerned, not to forge ahead. Just for decent human reasons, that should be your sexual strategy, not because you’re trying to avoid a prison cell.
Most of the reason that there’s confusion about this is because creepy dudes with agendas sow confusion. Some of it is because a lot of people see rape as an opportunity to moralize about women’s behavior, and instinctually think of rapists as vigilante justice squads setting women straight for being bad girls. But feminists need to step up and be more clear when we talk about alcohol and rape, too, and part of that is realizing for ourselves that there really aren’t accidental rapists.
I hope this clarifies things. So go forward, feminists, and let us try to un-sow the confusion around the relationship of alcohol and rape. Remember, the accidental rapist is a myth, and whenever anyone claims to be one, I strongly advise putting on your skeptical hat and thinking very carefully about whether or not you’re getting snowed.
More: Rape Is Not an Accident
UPDATE: the author linked this blog post by Stephanie Zvan about her experience: Do You know How Scary It Is?
Stephanie then linked an Update: Your Morning Victim Shaming.
As for his comments on drinking, I was 15 when I was assaulted. Exactly how much was I supposed to know about drinking at that point. Was I supposed to be able to guage the alcohol content of a drink designed to disguise alcohol? More importantly, what could anyone have taught me about drinking that would have told me the difference between someone who wanted to pour me a drink as part of a social event and someone who wanted to pour me a drink as a means to assault? Is there a course for that?
Or do they teach that in counseling for sexual assault? I’m pretty sure they don’t, which makes the counseling comment flat out stupid in addition to being grossly inappropriately personal. Especially since what they would have done in counseling, if the counselors were good, was try to help me live as normal a life as possible, making the accommodations I needed. In fact, they would have suggested I do more or less exactly what I did, at least once I was of legal drinking age.
Welch doesn’t actually want me to get counseling, though. What he wants is right up there in how he spells my name. “zvain” Isn’t it hilarious? Isn’t he clever?
Well, no. He’s just one more person who doesn’t want me to talk about me, particularly when I’m talking about that sexual assault. And he’s perfectly happy, along with the rest of them, to try to shame me when I do.