What I Learned After My Study on Men Secretly Removing Condoms Went Viral
But it struck a chord, and somehow managed to trigger an international conversation about assholes who remove condoms during sex without their partners’ permission. (Some people call this “stealthing,” but I think the term trivializes the harm.) The paper made Twitter’s “moments,” and my mentions flooded. Reporters called my boss. Reports in languages I can’t speak covered reactions to the article. To date, two legislators have proposed laws inspired by the paper, and others are considering following suit.
Before I started writing, I interviewed survivors to understand how they’d experienced nonconsensual condom removal to make sure my analysis and recommendations were responsive to their real needs. All told me they had been worried about practical health effects, like sexually transmitted infections and pregnancy. But they also felt a less concrete but no less devastating harm: a grave betrayal. As one woman told me, “The harm mostly had to do with trust. He saw the risk as zero for himself and took no interest in what it might be for me, and from a friend and sexual partner, that hurt.”
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