Four years ago, the guy four doors down from me bought a couple of coolers full of pro-grade mortars (just the ones that go ‘boom,’ no colors) and started shooting them off on July 2, pretty much every hour on the hour.

The animals in the neighborhood were going insane, our neighbors went to try and get him to stop and he threatened to kick their asses. The ‘thunk’ of the mortars followed by the ‘booms’ continued.

But the guy was lighting these things off with a barbecue lighter instead of an electronic ignition, which would have afforded him a little distance. I was on our back porch when I heard no ‘thunk,’ just a ‘boom’ at ground level. The guy blew his left arm off at the shoulder. Our entire block was a crime scene due to arm bits being scattered up and down the block. The cops said if all of the mortars in his coolers had gone off at once, it would have taken out half the block.

Please. If you have fireworks, heed the warning to light fuse and get away.