I have just finished reading The. Most. Dreadful. Pretentious. Zombie. Apocalypse. Novel. Ever.

Hint: The “hero” (and I use that term lightly) is a Libertarian who despises big government and won $300 million in the lottery, with which he purchased a huge vehicle ferry ship and turned it into a personal luxury liner for friends and family. The ship has more weaponry (he calls them “toys” and describes each thing in lengthy tedious detail) than most small nations. (I think there’s a Ferrari on the boat as well, in addition to helicopters, a plane, amphibious vehicles, a submarine, armored SUVs…it’s like “toys” are added all the time.)

All of the female characters are frail things that need protecting and the only really interesting character is an engineer who has no relationship with the rich people. He’s stuck on land actually dealing with the zombies while the rich people on the boat pretend to be all end times militia types who talk in military lingo (but lump the US Navy in with the bad guys) and just love saying “Charlie Mike” all the freaking time.

My eyes kept glazing over, but I fought through to the end and SURPRISE!!! there was no ending, other than buy the next book to see what happens next in this Libertarian wet dream!

I want all of those hours returned to me…

ETA: Oh, and just about any conspiracy theory you can think of is in there except for chemtrails and fluoridation, but I expect those will show up in later books…