Tomorrow’s press statement: “President Trump woke early to heal the sick with his touch, walked across the White House pool, and then finished up by turning water into wine for the White House press corps.”

“Uh, Sean, this is just grape juice. And we’ve got pictures of President Trump swimming in the White House pool.”

“LYING MEDIA! WHY CAN’T YOU STOP LYING ABOUT THE GREATNESS OF PRESIDENT TRUMP!?”