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Video: The Onion's Year in Review

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Love-Child of Cassandra and Sisyphus12/15/2013 3:49:14 pm PST

Hell, the “prime rate” is 3.25%.

And you better believe that Apple can get the best rate from any bank, as if it needed to borrow money in the first place.

And yet Apple gets a room full of fans at their special events, clapping Pavlovianly at the silliest little gadget, which will be financed to consumers at societal-destroying usury rates.