Dear Mr. Griffin:

I see the light. You are right. As a person of primarily English descent, I must strive for racial identity purity, and eschew all things foreign. To this end I will no longer wear cotton or silk, because they darn sure never grew in England. I will no longer use paper (Chinese) or printing (German) but will chisel out my comments in runes on stone. I hope you don’t mind if I send a copy of this on stone, postage due.

I will no longer eat tacos, lasagna, spaghetti, stir fry, pizza, tamales, fajitas, tempura, Mongolian barbecue, or anything French. I will partake only of pure foods, like blood sausage and haggis. I will forgo choc…choco….

Guess What! I have just uncovered proof that chocolate was brought to the Americas by Leif Ericson, so I don’t have to give it up!

I would send you a contribution, but I can’t figure out how to write a check, as our number system uses zeros, which were the contribution of an Asian.

Lastly, I will have to change my religion, as I have been following one founded by a Jew who lived in the Middle East. Do you know any druid priests? I would prefer one without stacks of a wicker baskets in his garage.

I used to think that mankind was better off sharing the good that other cultures had to contribute, making life better for all, but now I see I was wrong. Thank you, and have some boiled cabbage.

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