Some “unintentional” comic relief, a list of 12 signs that your new wife just might be hiding something from you…

Did I Marry a Lesbian?

1. Does your wife sleep with separate blankets or in a different bed?
A bride may employ tricks such as these to avoid physical intimacy. Regular intercourse is an important component of every new marriage but a potential lesbian will be fearful. Indeed, many newlyweds are quietly intimidated by the fact of the male reproductive organ. Over time, it is something the woman will need to become familiar and comfortable with.

2. Reluctant to get pregnant
Procreation is the miraculous responsibility of matrimony. Heterosexual women dream about being mothers, even if this means setting aside careers and educational pursuits.

3. Unexplained absences from the home during the day
Lesbians will seek out copulation when husbands are at work or traveling. They may brush aside these disappearances with the catch alls “I was doing my errands” and “My cell phone was out of range.” If this occurs on a regular basis, greater vigilance is likely necessary.

4. Cut-off shirts that expose armpits
Much like male homosexuals, lesbians fetishize this body part. Its odor communicates whether one is dominant (raw and unscented) or submissive (perfumed). Furthermore, women visualize its barren hollow as evocative of the folds of the labia.

5. Extravagant exercise classes
Yoga, rock climbing, spinning, salsa, kickboxing… These costly programs will give a spouse a ready excuse to spend long hours away from the home in the private company of other curious females. The sweat-drenched and bare-skinned atmosphere of the sports club changing room is ripe with lesbian flirtation and foreplay.

:D