UpChuck is going full tilt trying to kiss Alan Dershowitz’ ass by leaping to his defense in the Victoria Roberts/Jeffrey Epstein sex scandal. Now he’s claiming the woman sold a faked photo of her and Prince Andrew to The Daily Fail, analyzing it with all his professional foto-fu.

He calls her a prostitute and a woman standing in the background a madam, and Prince Andrew a john. Nothing like tarnishing three reputations all at once.