I would like to take this moment to ask you all to join me in an invocation:

Dear Lord,

Please fuck the republicans. No seriously, fuck them hard, sideways and in unnatural manners that cause them, even a year from now, to wince and waddle every time they turn on Fox news. For verily I say, they are the most slappable of douches. Really, please God, give their prayers as much notice as they would give a poor person’s prayers.

They are backwards and rape your creation. Hell, as you know, they have a lot of issues with rape (and not acting like ignorant pigs over it) as it is. After all, women and the poor and the brown aren’t really people to them.

They hate America and think nothing of crippling her for their own gain. They are sleazy con men and hypocrites who bang on your Book while being the most smug and cruel of dicks. They are so dumb they think people once rode dinosaurs (when they aren’t denying that dinosaurs are real).

They will cause war and poverty and famine and collapse, all so that their scions can have yet more money and they scoff at the idea of doing their share. They put their grubby boots on the necks of those who actually work and create things. They are cowards. Everything they touch turns soulless. Please God, let not this nation waste into plastic. Of course, they are happy to take money themselves from the government. Romney never mentions how it was federal money that bailed out the Olympics. But I digress, God.

Please just fuck them. Use your smiting powers and do it hard.

Can I get an Amen?