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Onion: Decoy Website Launched to Lure Morons

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Gus10/21/2011 9:12:50 am PDT

Crap.

Newark soldier’s plans for life after Afghanistan tour cut short by insurgents’ bomb

NEWARK — The mission to Afghanistan was his third deployment, and after journeys to Iraq and Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, Jorge Oliveira told friends and co-workers this would be his last.

He was finally going to take time for himself, he told them. While on leave last month, he bought a new motorcycle and had closed on a new house in Elizabeth. Once his tour was up next year, he wanted to “travel the world” on the vacation of a lifetime, his sister said.

Those plans will never come to pass.

Oliveira, 33, a staff sergeant with the New Jersey Army National Guard, died Wednesday of injuries he sustained during an attack on his unit in the Paktika Province of Afghanistan, the Department of Defense said Thursday. The Newark soldier, who was also an Essex County Sheriff’s detective, is at least the 140th service member with ties to New Jersey to die in the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq since 2001…