re: #463 FemNaziBitch

Thanks for that. I suffer from a more acute rather than chronic form of depression that doesn’t respond well to medication. I’ve tried meds, several, and I seem to be the poster child for all those side effects in the commercials. So, I have to muddle through it, mostly alone. Most people don’t really want to hear about it or they dismiss it as not real, especially at this time of year. I really hate the holidays because of this, if one more person tells me to “just smile and put up a tree, you’ll feel better” I am going to need a place to hide the body. I used to suck it up and plaster a smile on my face and not cry, mostly when The Teenager was little. The mission was Don’t Ruin Christmas You Selfish Ass. It happened again this year, when I confessed to a friend I hated Christmas and why and she totally negated my feelings and experiences as not being real, all in my head. So I kinda have vowed to just not tell anyone who doesn’t already know.

What helps me is outdoor activity, getting enough sleep and not pulling the covers over my head(that is the hardest part for me-being sad and not wanting to leave the house or even look at people). I see a therapist sporadically as finances allow, but honest to god, my dog has been the best thing for my illness, she makes me get up and will often just lay her head on my lap if I am sad, with all the patience of a saint. I really hope that someday our stupid culture grows up and begins to understand and embrace treatments and discussions of depression and other disorders that effect so many. Shame and isolation make suicide seem like the only answer, which is so unnecessary and such a loss for all of us.