1. Publicly support the North Carolina marriage amendment.

Fuck you.

2. Commit to a vigorous defense and implementation of DOMA.

Fuck you.

3. Revoke federal spousal benefits for domestic partners of homosexuals.

A big fuck you.

4. Support reinstatement of the ban on homosexual conduct in the military.

Haha, you’re just pissed that a gay marine can whip your ass while being fabulous.

5. Support right of chaplains to teach biblical view of homosexuality.

Wanker.

6. Publicly pledge to veto ENDA.

Piss off.

I feel better.