I bought a new Lincoln Aviator but had to return it to the dealer the next day because I couldn’t get the dang radio to work. The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated, I just didn’t know how to work it. He offered to show me how.

“Nelson,” the salesman said to the radio. The Radio replied, “Ricky or Willie?” “Willie!” he continued and “On The Road Again” began playing from the speakers. Then the salesman said, “Ray Charles!”, and in an instant “Georgia On My Mind” replaced Willie Nelson.

I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I’d say, “Beethoven,” I’d get beautiful classical music, and if I said, “Beatles,” I’d get one of their awesome songs.

Yesterday, a couple ran a red light and nearly creamed my new car, but I swerved in time to avoid them. I yelled, “Ass Holes!” out of frustration.

Immediately the French National Anthem began to play, sung by Jane Fonda and Barbara Streisand, backed up by Michael Moore and The Dixie Chicks, with John Kerry on guitar, Al Gore on drums, Dan Rather on harmonica, Nancy Pelosi on tambourine, Harry Reid on spoons, Bill Clinton on sax and Ted Kennedy on scotch. Amazing.