In the beginning God tweeted the heaven and the earth.

2 And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the internet.

3 And God tweeted, Let there be light: and there was light.

4 And God saw the light, that it was good: and God divided the light from the darkness.

5 And God called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And the evening and the morning were the first day.

6 And God tweeted, Let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters, and let it divide the waters from the waters.

7 And God made the firmament, and divided the waters which were under the firmament from the waters which were above the firmament: and it was so.

8 And God tweeted the firmament “Heaven”. And the evening and the morning were the second day.

9 And God tweeted, Let the waters under the heaven be gathered together unto one place, and let the dry land appear: and it was so.

10 And God called the dry land Earth; and the gathering together of the waters called he Seas: and God saw that it was good.

11 And God tweeted, Let web sites bring forth comments, the wingnut yielding wingnut, and the fruit tree yielding wingnut fruit after his kind, whose wingnut is in itself, upon the internet: and it was so.

12 And the web brought forth wingnuts, and the medicinal herb yielding wingnuts after its kind, and the wingnut tree yielding wingnut fruit, whose wingnut was in itself, after its kind: and God tweeted that it was good.

13 And the evening and the morning were the third day.

14 And God tweeted, Let there be Christmas lights in the firmament of the heaven to divide the day from the night; and let them be for shopping signs, and for seasons, and for days, and years:

15 And let them be for lights in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth: and it was so.

16 And God made two great non-fluorescent light bulbs; the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night: he made the stars also.

17 And God set them in the firmament of the heaven to give non-fluorescent light upon the earth,

18 And to rule over the day and over the night, and to divide the light from the darkness: and God tweeted that it was good.

19 And the evening and the morning were the fourth day.

20 And God tweeted, Let the waters bring forth abundantly the moving creature that hath life, and fowl that may fly above the earth in the open firmament of heaven.

21 And God created great whales, and every living creature that moveth, which the waters brought forth abundantly, after their kind, and every wingnut after his kind: and God tweeted that it was good.

22 And God blessed them, tweeting, Be fruitful, and multiply, and fill the websites in the internet, and let foul wingnuts multiply in the earth.

23 And the evening and the morning were the fifth day.

24 And God tweeted, Let the earth bring forth the living creature after his kind, cattle, and creeping Paulbots, and beast of the earth after his kind: and it was so.

25 And God made the beast of the earth after his kind, and cattle after their kind, and every Paul that creepeth upon the earth after his kind: and God tweeted that it was good.

26 And God tweeted, plurally and androgynously: Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the foul wingnuts of the broadcast air-time, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping Paul that creepeth upon the earth.

27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.

28 And God blessed them, and God tweeted unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the foul wingnuts of the broadcast air-time, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.

29 And God tweeted, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, including the medicinal ones, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for website articles.

30 And to every beast of the earth, and to every foul wingnut of the broadcast air-time, and to every Paul that creepeth upon the earth, wherein there is life, I have given every green herb for blog posts: and it was so.

31 And God saw every thing that he had tweeted, and, behold, it was very good. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day.