re: #88 Feline Emperor of the Conservative Waste

His statement actually makes less sense the more you look at it. Apparently he comes from a family that’s fought in every major war since.

Let’s have a look:

French-Indian War: Basically a draw, not at all a lost cause.

American Revolutionary War: Unless his ancestors fought on the Tory side, we won that one.

Maybe minor wars of Tecumsah’s Rebellion and the Barbary Pirates— we won both of those.

War of 1812: Draw.

Bunch of other little wars against pirates and American Indians, we won all of ‘em.

Mexican-American war: US totally fucking romped home on this one, embarrassingly large margin of victory.

Bunch of small wars against various people in the Pacific, American Indians, and whoever else we could find: We won almost all of ‘em, didn’t really lose any.

Civil War: The US won this one handily. The confederacy lost. I’d say from this guy’s post that for some reason he feels his ancestors fighting for the Confederacy’s attempt to destroy the United States was all super-patriotic.

More beating up on American Indians in a very lopsided manner for the most part, smacking Koreans around while looking like dicks, fucking around in South America like assholes. A pretty undignified period, but militarily very successful.

Spanish-American War: We won bigtime.

Phillipine Insurrection: We won brutally, with lots of racism.

Other little things in South America: America wins, is a jerk, etc.

WWI: America joins late, lowest causalties of any serious belligerent, on the winning side.

Russian Civil War: America half-assed this one, but our alliance did lose. But we really half-assed it.

WWII: America joins late, lowest casualties of any serious belligerent, on the winning side, and escapes the devastation of Europe and so is in brilliant position to dominate the next century.

Korean War: A spiffy little stalemate, not at all a lost cause.

Vietnam: Lost cause! We found one.

Gulf War I: We win like Tyson vs. an Ice Cream Sandwich

Afghanistan: We ‘won’, then figured out that oh shit, we’re in Afghanistan. Sorta lost cause.

Gulf War II: We failed to achieve our objective because it didn’t exist, not really a lost cause, just not even really a cause.

So my question is: I’m a non-gun-owning liberal pansy in New York City who had whole-grain English muffins this morning and need to buy more soy milk: How come I know more about US military history than this supposed blood-and-guts patriot?