The Sinister United Nations Bicycle Sharing Takeover Plot

WingnutsAugust 2010 • Views: 5,899

OK, we have a winner in today’s Crazy Dumb Fear-Mongering Sweepstakes: Colorado GOP gubernatorial candidate Dan Maes, who’s convinced that the Mayor of Denver’s bike-sharing program is only the first step on a slippery slope leading inevitably to a United Nations invasion of Denver.

They may look harmless, resting there on their kickstands with their cute white baskets, but these red bicycles are only the first wave of a diabolical UN takeover of Denver, Colorado.

Republican gubernatorial candidate Dan Maes is warning voters that Denver Mayor John Hickenlooper’s policies, particularly his efforts to boost bike riding, are “converting Denver into a United Nations community.”

“This is all very well-disguised, but it will be exposed,” Maes told about 50 supporters who showed up at a campaign rally last week in Centennial.

Maes said in a later interview that he once thought the mayor’s efforts to promote cycling and other environmental initiatives were harmless and well-meaning. Now he realizes “that’s exactly the attitude they want you to have.”

“This is bigger than it looks like on the surface, and it could threaten our personal freedoms,” Maes said.

He added: “These aren’t just warm, fuzzy ideas from the mayor. These are very specific strategies that are dictated to us by this United Nations program that mayors have signed on to.”

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40 comments

Kragar Wed, Aug 4, 2010 1:43:07pm

Evil communist bicycles.

brookly red Wed, Aug 4, 2010 1:43:30pm

re: #1 Kragar (Proud to be Kafir)

Evil communist bicycles.

note they all red…

BishopX Wed, Aug 4, 2010 1:44:00pm

Where is the mayoral sign up sheet? I need to get Mr. Menino on board!

rwdflynavy Wed, Aug 4, 2010 1:45:34pm

First they came for the bicyclists, but I did nothing as I don’t cycle…
//

brookly red Wed, Aug 4, 2010 1:46:26pm

Q: what do you call giving someone a bicycle in NYC?

A: assisted suicide.

Kragar Wed, Aug 4, 2010 1:46:29pm

“This is what communist do, they give you things. Wait…”

rwdflynavy Wed, Aug 4, 2010 1:46:30pm

Mao’s little red book is in each basket!!!11
//

wrenchwench Wed, Aug 4, 2010 1:47:09pm

As an evil capitalist who sells bicycles for a living…
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

…I’ll just get back to work.

deranged cat Wed, Aug 4, 2010 1:47:48pm

i love how he speaks like a troll. vague, paranoid and littered with buzz words.

Lidane Wed, Aug 4, 2010 1:48:06pm

I wonder what he’d think of Car2Go here in Austin. He’d probably consider it some sort of evil plot to redistribute wealth or something.

HappyWarrior Wed, Aug 4, 2010 1:48:16pm

Seriously this guy thinks bikes are the sign of a UN plot. Is he high or just plain stupid.

Kragar Wed, Aug 4, 2010 1:48:35pm

re: #9 deranged cat

i love how he speaks like a troll. vague, paranoid and littered with buzz words.

Maes said in a later interview that he once thought the mayor’s efforts to promote cycling and other environmental initiatives were harmless and well-meaning. Now he realizes “that’s exactly the attitude they want you to have.”

Kookoo.

WINDUPBIRD DISEASE [S.K.U.M.M.] Wed, Aug 4, 2010 1:49:07pm

What.

The.

Hell?

Is the Onion in charge of his campaign?

brookly red Wed, Aug 4, 2010 1:49:10pm

re: #6 Kragar (Proud to be Kafir)

“This is what communist do, they give you things. Wait…”

huh! I was promised a unicorn & they gave me a red bicycle… I am mad as hell & I am not going to take this anymore!re: #9 deranged cat

i love how he speaks like a troll. vague, paranoid and littered with buzz words.

who dat?

SpaceJesus Wed, Aug 4, 2010 1:49:28pm

going outside is for communist frenchies!

*lives in colorado*

Locker Wed, Aug 4, 2010 1:50:04pm

wing + nut
screw + ball
jack + ass

(Use your imagination to fill in Bugs Bunny flipping the flash cards…)

WINDUPBIRD DISEASE [S.K.U.M.M.] Wed, Aug 4, 2010 1:50:11pm

re: #15 SpaceJesus

going outside is for communist frenchies!

*lives in colorado*

That Great American Beer Festival in your fair state, that’s a good time right there

Lidane Wed, Aug 4, 2010 1:50:30pm

re: #13 WindUpBird

Is the Onion in charge of his campaign?

He should be so lucky. The Onion would do a much better job. Heh.

He’s clearly getting all his advice from the same people running Sharron Angle’s campaign.

Jack Burton Wed, Aug 4, 2010 1:50:52pm

P O E
O
E

Have you ever seen a communist drink a glass of water Mandrake?

ShaunP Wed, Aug 4, 2010 1:51:52pm

I still don’t get WTF Maes’s talking about. Maybe it’s better that way…

TedStriker Wed, Aug 4, 2010 1:51:55pm

What a fucking screwball…

/he must be out of rainwater and grain alcohol

palomino Wed, Aug 4, 2010 1:54:38pm

Some of these tea partiers are just amazing morons. They see everything done by their political opposition as nefarious, and often part of some scary New World Order (that really exists only in their feeble minds).

Bicycles? Really, that’s a threat? (I guess we’ll end up like China—more bikes than cars.) This is Alex Jones conspiracy paranoia, and it reeks of the hysteria of 1950’s and McCarthyism.

What, me worry? Wed, Aug 4, 2010 1:55:25pm

Dan Maes is right! Only real Americans drive SUVs, big ole honkin Hummers, Escalades and Suburbans. In fact, if you don’t have TWO cars that get 8 miles to the gallon, you’re a peace pussy!

And don’t call me an anti-Bikeist either ya bastards!!

(I’m gonna write this guys campaign speech, whatdya think?)

(It’s comforting to know that in a city like Denver, he’ll get one vote. His own.)

Shiplord Kirel Wed, Aug 4, 2010 2:13:55pm

I hear the mayor’s next project is a Smart Car that runs on shredded Bibles.

b_sharp Wed, Aug 4, 2010 2:22:45pm

Is there some fear that belonging to a larger community will suck the individualism out of people?

Fat Bastard Vegetarian Wed, Aug 4, 2010 2:23:33pm

“I must get this cheese to Washington!”

Fat Bastard Vegetarian Wed, Aug 4, 2010 2:24:38pm

re: #23 marjoriemoon

I had an appointment with a lady today who had two fucking Hummers in her driveway. And a PT Cruiser.

A PT Cruiser? Really?

Fat Bastard Vegetarian Wed, Aug 4, 2010 2:25:55pm

I think it’s cool that they made the bikes so flipping ugly that no one will want to be seen riding one.

Fat Bastard Vegetarian Wed, Aug 4, 2010 2:27:12pm

Gonna share helmets?

Eew?

Romantic Heretic Wed, Aug 4, 2010 2:30:20pm

re: #25 b_sharp

Is there some fear that belonging to a larger community will suck the individualism out of people?

For many people, yes, there is.

Which is odd because all the people I know that worry about this phenomena identify themselves as ‘conservatives’ or ‘Libertarians’ before they attach any other descriptions to themselves.

Slumbering Behemoth Stinks Wed, Aug 4, 2010 2:41:48pm

Speaking of Colorado GOP candidates, here’s Ken Buck. He’s running for Senator.

Youtube Video

Ojoe Wed, Aug 4, 2010 3:09:24pm

Bicycles forever!

The bicycle is one of the best inventions humanity has ever made, and a person on a bicycle is the most energy efficient of any biological transportation, measured in calories required to move a given mass a given distance.

Ojoe Wed, Aug 4, 2010 3:12:28pm

Oh, and Dan Maes you’re an idiot:

“This is bigger than it looks like on the surface, and it could threaten our personal freedoms,” Maes said.

watching you tiny alien kittens are Wed, Aug 4, 2010 4:18:09pm

Today bicycles, tomorrow electric scooters, then non-polluting shared electric mini cars…

OMFG it is socialism! (just like the police, the fire department, libraries, community hospitals, the highway dept, the water dept, the sanitation dept, the Army, the Navy, the Air Force…and more.)

Grow the eff up you small minded idiots!

theheat Wed, Aug 4, 2010 4:33:25pm

A lot of people need a freakin’ cattle prod to get off their fat ass, and a bicycle’s a great way to do it. Fat and lazy is as American as apple pie these days. (Mmmmmmmm, pie.)

I remember back in grade school we had PE every morning, right after we had to say that “and under God” thing to the flag. Wow, I didn’t realize I was just a young commie in training, reciting ~~Mao’s~~ The Fundie’s godly mantra in Borg-ish unison, and then forced to do jumping jacks like some sort of trained seal. Color me damaged for life. With the benefit of hindsight, I should have revolted.
/

With obesity rates skyrocketing in this country, Colorado ranks the number one healthiest state. It might have something to do with that clean air and clean living, or the fact more people are willing to get off their couches and either walk or ride a bike. Whatever the case, I can’t see it’s a bad idea to encourage people to do more for their bodies while simultaneously reducing traffic congestion and polluting less.

Unless, of course, I was a paranoid Republican with a terminally clenched jaw (stressing much?) that saw an act of communism behind every bush.

Mardukhai Wed, Aug 4, 2010 4:52:11pm

That’s nothing compared to the late Congressman James Utt:

In 1963, he claimed that “a large contingent of barefooted Africans” might be training in Georgia as part of a United Nations military exercise to take over the United States.

He was known as “Utt the Nut” — for good reason.

lostlakehiker Wed, Aug 4, 2010 6:42:48pm

re: #12 Kragar (Proud to be Kafir)

Maes said in a later interview that he once thought the mayor’s efforts to promote cycling and other environmental initiatives were harmless and well-meaning. Now he realizes “that’s exactly the attitude they want you to have.”

Kookoo.

He admits to having once thought? The Denver bike initiative is far from harmless. It’s great. Score one for liberals.

Etaoin Shrdlu Wed, Aug 4, 2010 7:23:17pm

The UN will never take Denver… not if the shapeshifting aliens living under the airport have anything to say about it.

freekurdistan Thu, Aug 5, 2010 7:55:18am

yes, bicycling is sinister. unlike driving cars, which only contributes to global climate change, deep sea oil spills, and islamic terrorism.

Nene1 Thu, Aug 5, 2010 9:50:00am

None of those cycles appears to have any security.
What’s to stop theft ? Surely the whole scheme will fail
the same way a similar scheme in Paris did - Mass thievery !

Spy Mode Auto

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