Happy “DEPENDENCE Day” From The White House!

FAKE NEWS TIME Exclusive
Humor • Views: 29,385

FAKE NEWS TIME reports that the President has renamed July 4 as “DEPENDENCE DAY,” in celebration of the country’s complete dependence on him.

As a reminder of some real-news facts: in his Republican convention speech, Trump humbly stated that the oppressed are completely dependent on him, to be their protector; namely, he said:

“I have joined the political arena so that the powerful can no longer beat up on people that cannot defend themselves. Nobody knows the system better than me, which is why I alone can fix it.”

Since then, as the President, Trump had the chance to even the playing field. For example, here are some real-news facts:

• Trump has pushed health care legislation that would leave tens of millions of Americans uninsured, according to the Congressional Budget Office and “could effectively make coverage completely unaffordable to people with preexisting conditions” — while providing a tax break for health insurance companies that have executives with salaries exceeding $500,000. (Facing difficulties getting health care legislation through the Senate, Trump has advocated simply repealing Obamacare without replacing it.)

• An article (on cnn.com), entitled “Trump’s budget: Big gifts for the rich, big cuts for the poor,” summarized Trump’s proposed budget:

Mick Mulvaney, Trump’s budget director, spelled it out clearly for reporters on Monday [May 22, 2017]. The largest savings in the budget come from these items:
1. Cuts to Medicaid (Over $600 billion in the next decade)
2. Cuts to food stamps, known as SNAP ($193 billion over 10 years)
3. Cuts to student loans ($143 billion over 10 years)
4. Cuts to federal worker retirement programs ($63 billion over 10 years)
Mulvaney probably should have added a fifth bullet: Disability programs also get a massive haircut.
Advocates for the poor are stunned at the magnitude of the cuts.
It’s a “reverse Robin Hood agenda,” says the Center on Budget and Policy Priorities….
[T]he wealthy — including Trump himself — would likely pay a lot less in taxes.
“The majority of the benefits go to high-income people,” says Joe Rosenberg, a senior research associate at the Tax Policy Center, a nonpartisan think tank.
All the top tax rates on businesses and individuals go down. He also eliminates the Obamacare surcharge on wealthy investors. Trump is giving rich investors (who earn over $200,000 a year) a tax break while half of America has nothing invested in the stock market, mostly because they don’t have extra money to invest.

• After selecting a billionaire with no experience in public education (i.e., Betsy Devos) as Secretary of Education, Trump set forth a “budget [that] proposes about $4 billion in cuts to programs like literacy for students with disabilities and limited English proficiency, class-size reduction, and after-school and summer programs,” according to an article on salon.com.

…So, in sum, Trump has stood up to the powerful (including low-income persons unable to finance their own medical care and food, people with pre-existing medical conditions, the disabled, children in the public education system, and students receiving government aid) who had previously beat up on downtrodden wealthy individuals unable to defend themselves (including high-income investors and health care executives)….

While in the process of working on the system that he “alone” can fix, Trump has taken the time to re-brand the the Fourth Of July holiday. Addressing reporters, the President said:

“This wonderful holiday, the Fourth Of July, is about me. It’s about celebrating the country’s dependence on me personally and, you know, on the other Trumps. If they impose term limits on me — which, quite frankly, I don’t think they will — then you’re in good hands with the Trump brand, including Donald Jr., Eric, Ivanka, and, in all honesty, even Baron. Did I leave anyone out? Anyhow, they’ll be able to take over for me in 2024, if term limits end my reign.

“The holiday will still feature fireworks — or, as we will now call them, ‘You’re Fired Works,’ to celebrate my famous line on the Apprentice and Celebrity Apprentice.

“This country is all about finding someone to lead us. Historically, the American people have always said, ‘Hey, we can’t really do this on our own, so where can we find a ruler to impose his will on us?’ And it’s been a long search, but after a couple of hundred years, they found Trump. And, believe me, it was a fortunate thing for the country. Because, without me, this country is nothing. Nothing.

“Dependence Day can be called ‘D Day’ for short, because that’s a great abbreviation that no one ever thought of before. And the ‘D’ has a second meaning — it’s someone special’s first name! Now, let’s celebrate!”

In commemorating the newly-named Dependence Day holiday, the White House announced that it will be releasing a book entitled Great Dictators In History. The book will feature the speeches of a famous historical dictator (hint, initials “A.H.”) that influenced Trump, as well as statements of Trump’s wide-ranging praise for dictators and authoritarians (including Mussolini, Gadhafi, Saddam Hussein, Putin, Kim Jong-Un, Rodrigo Duterte, and Recep Tayyip Erdoganhttps).

The newly-named Dependence Day holiday will also feature newly-titled songs. Trump considers himself a master of wordplay, as he ridiculed the TV show Face The Nation, by calling it “Deface the Nation.” Continuing with his wordplay, he has released variants on July Fourth classic songs:

• “This Land Is NOT Your Land” (formerly, “This Land Is Your Land”; now, “This Land Is NOT Your Land”): an ode to foreigners and aliens who can’t afford the Kushner family’s $500,000 “investor visa” that makes immigration available to wealthy Chinese real estate investors

• “AMERICA THE BEAUTIFUL” (formerly, “AMERICA THE BEAUTIFUL”; now, “ERIC THE BEAUTIFUL”): the ballad written by the President to assuage his son, Eric, who became jealous upon hearing Donald’s comments that he would be dating Ivanka if she weren’t his daughter

• “Fanfare For The Common Man” (formerly, “Fanfare For The Common Man”; now, “Fanfare For The Con Man”): a modern adaption of the Aaron Copeland classic

• “God [Has] Bless[ed] America” (formerly, “God Bless America”; now, “God Has Blessed America”): Trump claims divine right through his electoral college victory of 2016

The celebration will also include a couple of other songs, which the President has not altered:

• “Back In The USSR”: without explanation, the classic Beatles riff has been PUT-IN the celebration

“1812 Overture”: yearning for a time that was really was “great” — with war, slavery, and lots of other goodies

Also, the President explained that July Fourth is inseparable from American values, such as freedom of the press. At his (President-Elect) press conference (on January 11, 2017), he actually said, “I have long been a supporter of a free and independent press and I always will be”; so Trump apparently intended great support for CNN when he recently tweeted an edited pro wrestling video of himself personally physically beating someone whose head was a superimposed CNN logo. Seriously, the following tweet really was posted on Trump’s twitter account (on July 2); you can watch the video by clicking on the arrow in the middle of the picture:

Yes, the President Of The United States actually posted this video clip on his twitter account, along with the hashtags “#FraudNewsCNN #FNN”.

Happy “DEPENDENCE DAY”!

Jump to top

Create a PageThis is the LGF Pages posting bookmarklet. To use it, drag this button to your browser's bookmark bar, and title it 'LGF Pages' (or whatever you like). Then browse to a site you want to post, select some text on the page to use for a quote, click the bookmarklet, and the Pages posting window will appear with the title, text, and any embedded video or audio files already filled in, ready to go.
Or... you can just click this button to open the Pages posting window right away.
Last updated: 2016-01-01 10:29 am PST
LGF User's Guide RSS Feeds Tweet

Help support Little Green Footballs!

Subscribe now for ad-free access!Register and sign in to a free LGF account before subscribing, and your ad-free access will be automatically enabled.

Donate with
PayPal
Square Cash Shop at amazon
as an LGF Associate!
Recent PagesClick to refresh
Washington Will Now Alert Survivors When Domestic Abusers Try to Buy a Gun Washington just took a big step to protect survivors of domestic violence. According to The Trace, Washington will be the first state to enact a law that requires law enforcement to alert victims when their abusers attempt to buy ...
Birth Control Works
12 hours, 5 minutes ago
Views: 191 • Comments: 0 • Rating: 0
Tweets: 0 • Share to Facebook
Shares: 0
Comments: 0
: 0
‘Silent Coup’: Limbaugh Says ?!?! In an impassioned commentary, Rush Limbaugh said he believes the Washington establishment - both Democrats and Republicans - are involved in a "silent coup" against President Trump. Silent coup? Wrong and wrong. As silent as Rachael Maddow, Keith Olberman ...
Unshaken Defiance
14 hours, 56 minutes ago
Views: 212 • Comments: 0 • Rating: 0
Tweets: 0 • Share to Facebook
Shares: 0
Comments: 0
: 0
Trump Administration Ends Affordable Care Act Contracts in 18 Cities - Talking Points Memo CHICAGO (AP) — President Donald Trump’s administration has ended Affordable Care Act contracts that brought assistance into libraries, businesses and urban neighborhoods in 18 cities, meaning shoppers on the insurance exchanges will have fewer places to turn for help ...
Ace-o-aces
15 hours, 6 minutes ago
Views: 364 • Comments: 0 • Rating: 2
Tweets: 3 • Share to Facebook
Shares: 4
Comments: 0
: 4
Trump’s Biggest Success: Proving the Inadequacy of Federal Ethics Laws Welcome to the greatest jacking in modern history. Money, reputation, our very brand as a nation. My congratulations to the writer. In fact, if the hapless Trump administration has shown anything, it is that our current ethics laws are ...
Unshaken Defiance
15 hours, 58 minutes ago
Views: 236 • Comments: 0 • Rating: 0
Tweets: 0 • Share to Facebook
Shares: 0
Comments: 0
: 0
Immigration: Focus LocallyIn these days of Trump and the Republicans attacking everything decent about America, it's too easy to focus on the immediate threat. Trump's Muslim band is back, but everyone is paying attention to the Republicans trying to steal our healthcare. ...
jhncsy
1 day, 13 hours ago
Views: 211 • Comments: 0 • Rating: 1
Tweets: 0 • Share to Facebook
Shares: 0
Comments: 0
: 0
‘Submit to Your Husbands’: Women Told to Endure Domestic Violence in the Name of God (Australian Broadcasting Corporation) The culprits were obvious: it was the menopause or the devil. Who else could be blamed, Peter screamed at his wife in nightly tirades, for her alleged insubordination, for her stupidity, her lack of sexual pliability, her refusal to ...
Birth Control Works
2 days, 13 hours ago
Views: 416 • Comments: 0 • Rating: 0
Tweets: 0 • Share to Facebook
Shares: 0
Comments: 0
: 0
West Virginia Families, Just Learning About Health-Care Access, Fear It Will Be Taken Away - Rewire In Vienna, West Virginia—just north of Parkersburg, along the Ohio River separating the two states—the only Planned Parenthood health center in the state sits among a scattering of gray and tan buildings beside the main road. A few days ...
Birth Control Works
2 days, 14 hours ago
Views: 514 • Comments: 0 • Rating: 1
Tweets: 0 • Share to Facebook
Shares: 0
Comments: 0
: 0
Trump Election Commissioner Used Dubious Data to Allege an “Alien Invasion” - Mother Jones Election officials and experts say there’s plenty of reason to doubt those claims.But they could still provide a blueprint for Trump’s commission, which has so far hinted at tighter restrictions on voting in the name of cracking down on ...
Tarkloon
2 days, 21 hours ago
Views: 455 • Comments: 0 • Rating: 0
Tweets: 0 • Share to Facebook
Shares: 0
Comments: 0
: 0
Inside the Middle East’s First Rape & Domestic Violence Crisis Program For the last year and a half, there’s been a new sight in the Kingdom of Bahrain. Lodged into stacks of newspapers, stuck to mirrors in restaurant bathrooms, and pinned to grocery store notice boards are small, blue-and-white fliers ...
Birth Control Works
3 days, 17 hours ago
Views: 481 • Comments: 0 • Rating: 0
Tweets: 0 • Share to Facebook
Shares: 0
Comments: 0
: 0
First Aid Kit - My Silver LiningFirst Aid Kit perform My Silver Lining at Glastonbury 2017
Tarkloon
4 days, 12 hours ago
Views: 424 • Comments: 0 • Rating: 0
Tweets: 2 • Share to Facebook
Shares: 0
Comments: 0
: 0