Fenris riffs the 2010 Texas Republican Party Platform
As a rider to Charles Johnson’s Texas GOP Platform: Make Gay Marriage a Felony, I decided to find two robots, sit in a theater, and heckle the text of the platform as it scrolls across the screen. Unfortunately, no one outside of Minnesota, Wisconsin, or the 90s would get it, so here’s just a few of my favorite nuggets from the platform.
One World Government Organizations – We oppose a one-world government in direct opposition to our basic principles and eroding
our sovereignty. We oppose the implementation of one world currency.
Oh god! A one-world government is just around the corner! And they’ll make us buy stuff with the…worldo? Eartho? Terro?
Secure America’s border; Northern, Southern, and ports.
You just can’t trust them Canadians.
As America is a nation under God founded on Judeo-Christian principles, we affirm the constitutional right of all individuals to worship in the religion of their choice.
As long as they’re Judeo-Christian. And none of that liberal Reform Jewish cockamamie.
Controversial Theories – Realizing that conflict and debate is a proven learning tool in classrooms, we support objective teaching and equal treatment of all sides of scientific theories, including evolution, Intelligent Design, global warming, political philosophies, and others. We believe theories of life origins and environmental theories should be taught as challengeable scientific theory subject to change as new data is produced, not scientific law. Teachers and students should be able to discuss the strengths and weaknesses of these theories openly and without fear of retribution or discrimination of any kind.
This is a personal favorite of mine, partly because I’ve had one teacher who was a JFK conspiracy theorist, and one who was a Holocaust denier.
Americans with Disabilities Act – We support amendment of the Americans with Disabilities Act to exclude from its definition those persons with infectious diseases, substance addiction, learning disabilities, behavior disorders, homosexual practices and mental stress, thereby reducing abuse of the Act.
Emphasis mine. I’ve got nothing.
We oppose the sale of “Not Rated” (NR) movies and video games to minors.
Made-for-television movies and edutainment games, that means you.
I could do this all day. I’ll add to this as I think up more.
And remember: homosexual practices qualifies you for disability claims.