In ancient times, decisions about war were determined by the color of the moon. Before Enlightenment principles and modern science, village elders and chiefs determined their god’s mood by lunar phenomena’s coincidence with even more ancient festivals and feasts. The right combo signaled God’s desire for bloodshed in anticipation of his physical manifestation on Earth and the End of Days.

Oh, did I say “ancient times?” I meant a few months ago. And I meant our soon-to-be-congressman, Jody Hice, not village chiefs and elders. It might make Hice a member of a quite literal lunatic fringe.

The Rev. Hice, who, barring a Second Coming-grade interruption in the affairs of humanity, will be elected to Congress in November, is paying attention to the night sky to determine his Middle East policy. Turns out that the Middle East’s central crisis isn’t complicated at all! It’s just that everyone has been distracted by books, history, international law and notions of justice. Nah, just peep the moon, and that’ll tell you everything you need to know.

Blood Moons

Hice explained in April, the day after the first blood moon in the four-moon cycle appeared: “It’s unprecedented that you would have four blood moons, all which are falling on major Jewish holidays, feasts. I believe there’s very good reason to look at this very, very seriously… [blood moons] have preceded world-changing, shaking type events. For instance, in 1493, a similar thing occurred with these four blood moons, and that took place when the Jews were expelled from Spain. There was another one that occurred in 1949, and shortly after that Israel became a state—it was founded out of nothing. The last of these four blood moons to occur was in 1967, and of course that came during the Six-Day War between Arabs and the Israeli nation.”

More: News Features: Future Congressman Jody Hice Thinks ‘Blood Moons’ Mean the World Is Ending