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Kragar2/01/2013 11:20:16 am PST

How Cindy Jacobs and Her Prayer Warriors Saved the Global Economy

in order to convince her audience that she was trustworthy, Jacobs recounted some of the successful prophecies she has made over the previous years, like back in 2008 when God told her that the global economy was going to completely crash unless she mobilized her network of prayer warriors. So she did just that, getting them to pray on Wall Street and at stock exchanges all over the world, thereby saving the economy, much to the consternation of economists who “do not know why the economy did not completely crater worldwide, but we know, don’t we? Because we prayed”:

Is that all? Well my prayers stopped an invasion of giant space lemmings from stampeding across the Earth as they hurled themselves into the sun, but you don’t hear me bragging about it.