Transcript of Fuckface Von Clownstick’s address to the troops today:

Everybody’s talking about the progress you’ve made in the last few months since I opened it up. We opened it up, we said go ahead, we’re going to fight to win. We’re not fighting anymore to just walk around, we’re fighting to win. And you people, you’ve really turned it around in the past three to four months like nobody’s seen and they are talking about it. So thank you very much, brave, incredible fighters. We’re being talked about as an armed forces. We’re really winning. We know how to win. But we have to let you win. They weren’t letting you win before. They were letting you play even. We’re letting you win. The fight against ISIS, it’s coming our way. Coming our way. Big, big difference. A lot of things have happened. They say we’ve made more progress against ISIS than they did in years of the previous administration. That’s because I’m letting you do your job. We’re very, very proud of you. Believe me everybody in this country is watching and they’re seeing and they’re seeing positive reports for a change instead of the neutral and negative reports. It’s all positive.