re: #90 researchok

Show off.
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You can’t beat the forces of Remulak. I tell you humans this because it will plant the horrible truth in your minds as a possibility.

The horrible truth is, like I said, that we are going to let you fuck up your planet to the brink of extinction - so badly that even your Republicans will not be able to miss it was all your fault.

Then when we take over, you will love us. We will clean up your messes, re-educate the more useful ones like you and put the GOP true believers into zoos for the amusement of children. And you will love us for it!

We could easily, barrage your cities from orbit and crush your military. We want you scared of that possibility. Why do you think we have been making movies for the last 60 years where aliens come and beat the snot out of your planet? That way, when we come to save you, you will be doubly grateful.

I mean get real, we have the capacity for interstellar travel, and you guys are so primitive that you still think the internet is for porn. Well it is… but you can also use it to get the collected knowledge of civilizations instantly, something you lot have missed.

But I digress. If we crushed your military and vaporized your cities from orbit, it would take generations of re-education to get you to stop hating us. It is much more efficient to let you nearly wipe yourselves out and then have you love us. And boy are you monkey boys good at that. You actually think Palin is smart!

Can you lot read thermometers? Civilizations vastly more primitive than yours can do that. It isn’t hard! There are all of your thermometers, and you are stupid enough to think they aren’t going up! Less than one out of a thousand planets is a garden planet like yours, and you treat it like it is nothing - before you even have the capacity to leave it! Even your pets know not to shit where they sleep! Then you get back to using the internet for porn - and many of you pleasure yourselves while thinking of Palin!

You do realize that we constructed her from zoological waste and the genes of a hairless howler monkey? No… probably not. Heh, when we take over your planet, and turn it into a resort, and you are serving us umbrella drinks on the beaches of Pennsylvania, many of you will still think she’s hot! When we take your most beautiful and intelligent females (the real reason we are here) for ourselves, and whisk them off to a live of luxury, enlightenment and hyper-dimensional sexual gratification, you will still think the internet is for porn!

But you will be alive and you will love us for it, because you know full well how you lot can’t be left to run your own planet.