My mental health state is better now than on Sunday or Monday. Now, it is just industrial strength cynicism. Here is a message I have sent to a friend to summarize my thoughts.

For me, everything comes from Rationality. What Islam does for me is give me a base, a set of rules to keep me from disintegrating. However, I try to act according to what would be logical and statistical. However, faced with some statistics and logical issues in this case, I slide to the floor emotionally. (Though one friend pointed out the fact that many people my age won’t care about what their parents say about their significant other’s beliefs, so I don’t worry as much about the religion aspect).

On the other hand, my interests are out in left field. Mainly Architecture (and Art, to a lesser point), Meteorology, Geography, and especially History. Who the flying hell I am going to find with those interests? Music and movies only goes so far. So, while I feel better, I also feel bitterly cynical about my chances because of my eccentricities.

The lady right now is trying to stop me from attacking myself. I largely have. However, I am much more cynical than either her or my grandparents on this. I need some sort of statistical, rational, or logical proof for the cynicism to break.