re: #142 klys (maker of Silmarils)

So, there are enough folks here with experience that I feel I can ask: a friend just had her daughter officially diagnosed as on the spectrum today. What/how is the best way for me to support her? This is someone I’ve known for a while and lives cross country from me, but we remain friendly if not close and I want to be supportive on this.

Talk to her directly about it, don’t beat around the bush, and don’t be super sympathetic because that communicates to her that she has a damaged kid. She doesn’t.

It does really depend on where on the spectrum the daughter sits for how much she will have to prepare herself. She will have to become extremely literal in her communication with her daughter, and pay attention to exactly what her daughter is focusing on rather than what she would focus on. Kids on the spectrum react poorly when their plans don’t go well, so you’ll have to be both an information source, giving her ideas on how to approach problems and emotional support when she becomes frustrated at her inability to understand her child. Remember that she will be too close to the situation to see everything.