OT:

My dear old Mom forwarded me an email safety tip. Most of the time the stuff she passes along is either obvious, trivial or silly. But this one has potential.

It recommends keeping a set of your car keys on the bedside table, so in case of a panic situation you can set off the car alarm. Supposedly people will get annoyed and come check out the situation.

Where I live, car alarms don’t even get a look out the window. When they go on for longer than a minute or so, people just shove in the earplugs and go back to sleep, or turn up the music.

I supposed it could be useful, but the lag time between the alarm going off and someone actually investigating to find your home has been invaded or you’re lying there with a stroke could be an hour or more, depending on your neighborhood.

So I wrote back as follows:

Thanks. Once in a while these pass-it-on internet tips turn out to be something you haven’t thought of before.

I also take a great deal of comfort in having a working mobile phone (for calling the police etc.), a functioning quadrupedal intruder alert (to wake me out of a too-sound sleep if someone starts to jimmy the door), and a 9-mm laser-sighted 15-round pistol (for welcoming any uninvited guests not impressed by dogs and car alarms while waiting for the police) on the bed beside me, at my feet, and under the pillows, respectively. All in all, I feel pretty safe.

My lines of defense, in proper order, are now:

Dog
Gun (at the ready when dog goes nuts)
Car alarm (noise may actually scare an intruder, though not a heart attack)
Phone (mainly for ambulance; the police will come in their own good time and take my useless statement after the perp has skedaddled, or help the ambulance boys haul him away if I’ve dealt with him myself)

I will fear no evil.