Driftglass’ debate recaps are really getting good. This one’s called ‘Clap for the Wolfman.’

Final Statements:

Rand Paul: I want a government so small that my tiny penis looks like Godzilla next to it.

Chris Christie: Are you fed up… with mashed potatoes and bile..,like me. Deadly serious. Deadly.

Ted Cruz: Everyone here talks about nuking Washington from space and mowing down the survivors with machine guns…

Carly Fiorina: Nothing ever changes, which is why we need someone to do to Washington what I did to HP. I am Hillary Clinton’s nightmare.

You are everyone’s nightmare, honey. A preening, incompetent parasite who isn’t satisfied to loot-and-scoot with other people’d money, but wants to prance back over the blood and rubble she left behind with a bucket of whitewash and get away with it.

Ben Carson: Thanks everyone. Especially Mirror Reagan. I love you Jesus!

Donald Trump: We used to win like motherfuckers. Me and Ben told these idiots at CNBC to shaddap and cut this down to two hours. And they did. And that’s what I will do for Murrica.

Marco Rubio: My parents…

Jeb Bush: Crossroads. DC politicians. The culture in Washington. I will unify. Leftovers from my idiot brother’s 2000 stump speech. Imagine a country where people are amazing enough to forget my name is “Bush”.

Mike Huckabee: I know the media thinks this is a big joke. But I do not want to walk my five grand-kids through the charred remains of Murrica.

John Kasich: I was on Morning Joe the other week…

So was Ron Fournier, Bill Kristol and Donald Trump 72 times, Kasich. This is not the resume-builder you think it is.