Klys,

I’m a little late to the answer about your friend with the young daughter recently diagnosed with autism.

I have good friends that have a child that was fairly severe on the scale. He was born back in the early 90s when there was a lot less awareness than today. His father (my best friend from high school…now passed) was fortunate to have worked in the mental health field and had worked with some of the first actual named autistic cases here in Ohio in the late 70s.

His whole way of dealing with it was to treat his son as normal and when the issues arose to deal with it, like when he would violently act out. They would huddle with him and hold him until he settled down. As he grew they worked with him as it was just another human issue to deal with, like having any other type of child illness. When he was of an age to start to really understand (10 or so) they actually told him he was autistic and that what he was going through was ‘normal’ and in the long run he would be fine. Eventually he was able to know when he was beginning to feel autistic and an episode was coming and he would tell his parents that he ‘didn’t feel well’ and they would do something with him to calm him down, like draw or play music, work on his model railroad, etc.

My friend was of the mind that he could teach the boy to be normal as his thinking was always you can work around the issues and teach him to accept it, that eventually he would be fine. His thinking was always a brain can be taught to work through different channels…more or less find new paths for proper thinking and behavior. He treated it as a learning deficiency instead of a mental problem.

Today, the son is a fine young man that is extremely independent, very artistic and able to deal on his own. Now that his father has died, the son even stated the he had to carry on as his fathers replacement in the family…the man of the house.

My friend ended up working with local doctors at Ohio State and Nationwide Children’s as an example of how to parent and autistic child. The doctors were amazed how well my friend and his wife did with their son by just sticking to their guns and teaching him slowly and patiently, something they really couldn’t get in our local schools at the time.

So, basically the bottom line is…do not panic. He always felt the worst thing was for the parents to freak out. That just helps the autistic child to freak out too. It was tough work, but they soldiered on like it was no big thing, as that was what they wanted their son to realize. He was different, but to celebrate that difference and work with it. No big thing.

Keep in mind, this was a severe case and they got through it and now the son actually calls himself autistic to anyone that wonders why he sometimes acts the way he does, like its no big thing and he can explain it to outsiders. It totally blows people away. The son actually got up in front of a huge audience at an OSU fund raiser and gave a speech that explained his background and how his parents helped him work through it by loving him and always working with him, even in the toughest of episodes. He had the audience in tears. He got a standing ovation for it. His parents beamed!

I don’t know if this helps, it is one case that I was close to and one that I have some knowledge of. I guess the best thing to do is say to your friends they have a great kid and they will be fine. Education of autistic children has come a long way in the 2000s. Now our local schools have specialists in the school that work with the kids that are kept in their classroom with the other kids, and when needed come in and assist. They have learned that they are not “dumb” just different. Eventually the kid became loved by his classmates. In a way they protected him and stood up for him. everyone leaned a big lesson.

Do not show concern, act like they and their child will be fine. No need to scare the parents, they may already be scared, Be calming. It works. Good luck.

And with that off to a friend’s to catch some of this evening sporting events.