Comment

Onion: Bernanke Drunkenly Tells Everyone at Local Bar How Screwed We Are

25
SanFranciscoZionist8/11/2011 3:34:51 pm PDT

Berther, at DovBear, responds:

What amazes me is that this guy [SFZ’s note: Farrah] is a Christian. I can’t really figure out why.

If one objectively looks at the record for Obama’s life and compares it to the record of the life of Jesus, I can’t see how Farrah can doubt the record on Obama, but accept the “record” for Jesus.

Jesus was born of a mother who - she claims - was visited by an angel, while unmarried, and thereafter conceived divinely.

After his birth, he disappears from the record until he is around two, when he is visted by some mysterious men from “the east.” We know that his family flees to Egypt at this time to avoid being killed by Herod.

Then Jesus disappears for over ten years.

He next reappears as a Bar Mitzvah boy astounding the elders in the Temple with his knowledge.

Then he disappears AGAIN. This time for around 17 years.

Finally, Jesus appears again and this time he is a wandering teacher. Three years later, he is killed by the Romans.

So, just who was this guy, anyway? His mother wasn’t married at the time she conceived, and it is alleged that the father wasn’t the man she eventually married, but God himself - but there were no paternity tests available back then, so there is no proof for this assertion. Then there is all of the disappearing from the record. There are no accounts of anyone who knew Jesus as a child. No records of his playmates or his classmates. How did he obtain this knowledge that astounded even the most learned teachers in the Temple? We have no records of his schooling. Did he go to school in Egypt, the last place he was seen before his bar mitzvah? Where are the stories from his teachers? Then he disappears again and returns as this radical teacher who lashes out at the Jewish establishment and tries to reform all sorts of beliefs, all while picking associates, some of whom came from the underbelly of society.

And when was this guy even born, anyway? His followers today celebrate his birthday on Dec 25 - but they also recognize that that day is not correct. That’s strange. It’s stranger still when some of their scholars say that he was most likely born in late spring or early summer. So, why do they still celebrate in Dec 25? And it’s acknowledge that the Dec 25 date is a pagan holiday. Well, if Jesus was really God, then wouldn’t that be disgracing him to celebrate his birthday on a pagan holiday? Something just doesn’t add up.

And where was he even from? He’s often called Jesus of Nazareth, but there seems to be some dispute as to whether the town really existed while Jesus was alive.

And we have these books that tell the story of the life of Jesus - and Jesus didn’t even write them. Some of the books have the names of some of his followers on them, but it’s believe that they didn’t really write them. So who did? Who was Matthew’s ghostwriter? Why is that information such a secret? How could the true author of the life of Jesus be unknown?

And it’s said that he is the Moshiach ben David, but the geneological line of Jesus runs through Yehoiakim, which means that he is cut off from the kingship and thus disqualified from being Moshiach.

With so many unanswered questions, the practically 30 missing years from his 33 year life, the unsubtantiated claims of parentage, the disqualified claims to the Kingship and Messiahship, the lack of records of anyone who knew him from his first 30 years … it’s really surprising that someone so astute as Farrah, someone who can detect when Obama might be hiding something … is completely oblivious to the incredibly spotty record of the live of the man that he considers his messiah, lord, and god?